Phone envy turned hatred -FAIL

Late last fall, I started getting itchy. More friends around me were getting smartphones, and while my phone had a qwerty keyboard and was "cool" when I got it, that wasn't cutting it anymore.

I was all but convinced that Hubby would NOT be a fan of me getting a smartphone since I'm home most of the day and have wi-fi available. I didn't have a great mp3 player and the idea of an e-reader intrigued me. So I talked Hubby into letting me get an iPod touch. He has never been a fan of Apple, but I can be convincing when I need to be.

I carried it around with me constantly. I love(d) it. I had game apps and books at my fingertips. I started actually downloading iTunes and using my iPod when I folded laundry (Pandora is my friend). I was content.

Then something changed. Hubby started getting the itch. He decided his phone wasn't cutting it anymore either. So one Saturday, we hit the Verizon store. I was in no way expecting to walk out of the store with anything. When we spend money, we debate it, think, talk, research and in all ways possible make sure we're making a rational decision. Sometimes he drives me batty, most of the time I know it's just how he operates and makes sure he's being smart. He will never run out and empty our savings account on something hokey.

But as odd as it was that he decided he wanted a smartphone, it was even stranger when he listened to the sales guy's pitch on the HTC Thunderbolt and was sold. Another saleswoman had grabbed an iPad and shuffled our hellions darling children off to a corner to read and play games so we could think without them trying to dismantle the store.

I was caught. I had no excuse. Now I was the one wishing for time and research and a confident answer. The "dumb" phones were sucky so I pointed at a random smartphone. The sales guy asked why. I was thinking, "Dude, because I want you all to leave me alone and get out of this fricking place." I mumbled something and he pointed me to the Devil's phone Samsung Fascinate. It wasn't as bulky as what Hubby had picked out and looked OK. Sales Guy said his girlfriend had it and loved it.

Fine. Whatever. Done.

I asked how long I had to return it if I found out I absolutely hated it. Sales Guy said 15 days. Fair enough.

On Day 16 (I kid you not), all heck broke loose. The screen stopped going to sleep when I'd put it to my ear, so my ear would mute calls, end calls, go to apps or pages that I couldn't do while on the phone thereby ending calls, and in other words, made it impossible for me to use it AS A FREAKING PHONE. I tried calling Verizon's help one night and got nowhere because I was not listed as a primary on our account and Hubby wasn't home. I updated my system with a download that took TWO HOURS and actually, crap got worse. My calendar stopped working and it was combining contacts with similar names (Thanks phone, my mother-in-law and my best friend from elementary school are in fact NOT the same person and their names are NOT spelled the same.)

I started standing perfectly still, not doing anything else while on the phone and it is STILL effing with my calls. I am at my wit's end. I can't use my phone for work anymore, because I will look oh-so-professional when I mute them and can't get it to let me talk. And what mother can talk on the phone without doing 4,000 other things at the same time? At that rate, I won't have a conversation until my kids are teenagers.

I am done. I am only answering calls on speakerphone (so if you call me, sorry) and Hubby changed me to a primary on the account so I can go raise heck. Now if only I knew what phone would let me do all those cool app-ey things AND still talk to people. You better believe I won't be asking any sales people.