Friday, January 21, 2011

Wii: Now I can suck at multiple things at once

We got a Wii for Christmas. I was very excited to get said Wii. I have played at a few people's houses and figured it was friendly enough my kids could play it.

The problem is, my 4 year old can kick my butt.

Hear that thud? Oh yeah, that was what was left of my self esteem hitting the floor.

We are raising a racing addict. If there is a car going around in circles on TV, he will watch it. He will ask for cartoons and if the television is tuned to Speed when I turn it on, he will holler if I try to change it. As a result, he loves Mario Kart. And it's something he can do while his sister is napping that gives me a break from the never-ending questions.

An occupied child means I love me some Mario Kart.

So I decided to give it a try. Hubby kept telling me I needed to try the easier level on one player to get used to racing (two player goes to the "advanced" level automatically). I guess he figured I would stop playing with him if I kept sucking so badly.

"I think you'll do better. You'll like it," he said.

If my preschooler can win races on the beginner circuit, surely I can, right? I mean, he's won enough he's unlocked new tracks. It's a KID game, right?


I managed to win one race of the four, but once I had the lead in the others, I was hit with every possible obstacle. I was making a jump at the exact moment that the game decided to blow me up. In another, I went from 1st to 12th in about 15 seconds. Hubby just shook his head. I'm pretty sure it wasn't all from my crappy driving, but still...

I was never very good at Nintendo growing up; I only "beat" games using the Game Genie cheat codes and even then I had a heck of a time. I am just missing the "gamer" gene.

The draw of the Wii is that it can be for us non-gamer types. Who didn't see the commercials with Grandma bowling when Wii first hit stores? There should be hope for me, then, right?

The problem is the Wii games we have also cater to coordinated athletic types. Which I. Am. Not. I was third string on my middle school volleyball team. When I played softball in high school, the coach taught me to keep score, because I had NO chance of ever actually playing in a game. I love sports, but they sure as heck don't love me.

I can be a klutz and a video game failure all from the comfort of my own basement. Awesome.

My skateboarding career is in jeopardy, now that I've tried to play on Wii Fit. I'm pretty sure the game laughs at me every time I try it, and the sad thing is I am getting "better." (Only because they don't give negative points.)

I will never admit to how bad my score was on the obstacle course. Note to self: figure out how to delete embarrassing scores before someone else sees.

After my racing debacle the other night, Hubby put in the sports game in the hopes it would boost my spirits. He proceeded to kick my butt at sword fighting two games in a row.

Thanks, dear.

He beat me at everything. He's got the high scores on everything except Wii Fit yoga. The only chance I have is the 3-point contest, where I can kick butt and take names, but he can't figure it out. I can't either, so I can't even coach him.

But just when I was going to ask to play basketball and salvage something from my evening, he said "Oh look, it's 10:30."

Oh, suddenly we're worried about getting the recommended 8 hours of shut-eye? Punk.

So maybe in a few years when the kids are both in school, I can start practicing my Wii athletic skills. At least then only the game will be laughing at me.

My skateboarding career can wait.


  1. Hilarious! And don't feel too bad - Riley kicks my butt in Mario Kart EVERYTIME. It's like my vehicle is completely unable to stay on the track no matter how hard I try.

  2. just an can password protect your wii fit account!!! i did that so no one could see my scores...i'm there with's embarrassing!!

  3. hey i feel ya! no mario cart here but we DO have super mario! LOL

    at the kids book fair they had a gamer cheat code book for all the new systems...i was tempted to buy it....LOL. check it out, LOL