Butt I Don't Wanna!

Most days I am grateful I never went into advertising or public relations. Ya, I don't actually make any money (and didn't even with a full-time job), but at least I still have my soul. There are commercials on TV that make me pause, blink, lose brain cells and instantly forget whatever product they were trying to promote. And then I wish I could have the previous 60 seconds of my life back.

Case in point.

I have an intense, irrational hatred of The Bears. By that I mean the Charmin bears. I'm sorry, I am no nature expert, but you cannot tell me that a bear needs to find a tree in the woods to do their business. Or that they somehow sew leaves together to make their own back woods Charmin so it can spin on a tiny twig roll right at bear arm height on said "business" tree.

Give me a freaking break...

My hatred evolved to the point that I changed the channel anytime I caught a glimpse of the bears. I would never even think to BUY Charmin. It would be like supporting the bears and the ad managers and their collective insanity.

And don't get me started on feminine hygiene products. I guess I don't have the right kind of friends, because we don't sit around and talk about, well, ya know... THAT stuff. And if that's what the "right" friends talk about, I'll stick with my "wrong" ones, thank you very much.

But somewhere along the line, some ad person must have thought that line of thinking was the way to go. Because I just saw a commercial that told me I need to talk about grown-up butt wipes with my friends. 

No. I don't wanna. And you can't make me. 

I don't want to know what is going with my friends' butts or anyone else's, for that matter. It's bad enough the last 4 years of my life have been preoccupied with wiping two small butts. I am *this* close to only having to worry about my own again. 

And when I do, I'm not sharing it with anyone.